Regret mom is a term used by women who have given birth to a boy and had him circumcised, but now regret having done it to him.
In some countries (esp. in the USA) and cultures (mainly among Jews and Muslims), expectant parents are sometimes urged by their own parents or relatives to have their son circumcised. Even doctors and religious leaders and communities encourage or press them to agree to the circumcision of the son.
Starting position for fathers
Many (expectant) fathers in these countries and cultures are genitally mutilated themselves and may not have reflected what has been done to them. So they often easily agree, using trivializing arguments. We will collect stories of Regret dads, too. In general, it can be assumed that most men in the US who see themselves as intactivists were themselves circumcised and not only regret this, but no longer harm their sons.
Starting position for mothers
But because in most of these countries and cultures FGM isn't routinely done to girls, most (expectant) mothers do not have their own physical reason and repressive mechanism to play down genital mutilation. Instead, many of these women feel too weak to argue against their men or they simply believe that "it has to be done because everyone does it". This is a very dangerous attitude, because it not only downplays the "procedure", but it also denies the right of suffering victims to suffer, because of the lack of ability to empathize even physically or mentally, what happens to a boy in the "circumcision".
When mothers finally listen to their heart, do adequate research or simply (re-)find their innate compassion and empathy with the child, many of them "wake up from a coma of denial" and find themselves in a temporarily bad mood. They finally recognize that they have severely harmed their child, and they start regretting it. From the moment they speak openly, express their regret and possibly ask their (older) child for forgiveness, they become regret moms.
Stories of regret moms
Various regret moms in relevant Facebook groups have been invited to reveal themselves here and to talk about the circumstances of both the circumcision and realization that this was a mistake. Some of them will even tell about the hospitals, doctors, mohels, relatives and others who urged them to have their boy circumcised.
(... to be continued ...)
Anonymous stories, quoted on the web
|“||I had no idea that babies are strapped down. I was never taught that circumcision isn't necessary. I thought it was something that was done for boys. I was a very young mother and not educated in parenting on certain subjects (like this one) until I had my 2nd boy a yr ago. And his was done at the office and that's when I learned and saw with my own eyes what is done to a baby for circumcision. I threw up. I cried and the nurse walked me into the waiting room and I said I change my mind I don't want it done she said it was too late. I regret getting it done for both my boys. I tell my friends now when they are pregnant if they have a boy Don't get it done. And I tell them exactly what they do. In the hospital for New moms to boys they should explain the procedure. I regret it every day. Circumcision doesn't need to be done. I hugged and kissed him and cried. He was in so much pain.|
– Jenna (Facebook)
|“||I BLOCKED HER FOR YEARS |
My long time friend Tori probably sent you a message I sent her thanking her for her intactivism.
I was so ignorant that her posts filled me with blind rage. I was disgusted and sickened that she could "waste" all her energy on something "so trivial", and I felt her obsession was weird.
I gave her my two cents before blocking her for years.
It wasn't until I saw my little boys penis on his gender reveal sonogram that I knew in my heart why I was so mad at her, and that my anger was misguided. I wasn't mad at her for sharing those images. I wasn't made uncomfortable by her message.
I was mad that it was so cruel, yet it was normalized in my mind and I did everything to justify it.
I was uncomfortable because the images were violent.
I knew in my heart in that moment which way I leaned. But did about 10 minutes of research before my decision was confirmed, and I have become a devout and vocal intactivist since.
And I've followed you and your intactivism ever since.
You and Tori deserve to know about every time you saved a baby boy.But here's just one. The face of a boy who was never traumatized by his mother and let down by the medical field.
– ~Autumn in Mississippi (Facebook)
- Kovac, Sarah (29 May 2016).
Circumcising My Son Is My Biggest Parenting Regret, mom.com. Retrieved 24 February 2020.
- Sterling, Lara (17 October 2019).
I Regret Circumcising My Sons Without Their Permission. Retrieved 17 November 2019.
Parents have no clue what doctors are doing to their sons, Facebook, Bloodstained Men & Their Friends. Retrieved 5 November 2019.
I Blocked Her For Years, Facebook, Bloodstained Men & Their Friends. Retrieved 12 March 2020.