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| Title=I said yes and my gut was just telling me it wasn’t okay.
| Text=So I’m a regret mom of my first born. I was young(19) and I really didn’t research on to much other than how he was growing each week I was certain about a few things like wanting to breast feed and [[skin ]] to [[skin]],Circumcision never crossed my mind and when it did I just thought it was something I was going to have to do, so I tried not to think about it.
Well November 14 I gave birth at 12:55 am to a heathy 6lb 14oz baby. I stayed up in Awwh of him all night till about 5am, the next morning as soon as I woke up the nurse came in and told me he needed his newborn screening and wanted to know if he was being circumcised, I said yes and my gut was just telling me it wasn’t okay. As I was about to change him the nurse scooped him up and said”oh don’t worry we will get that” I didn’t get to change his first diaper and see that he was perfect how he was. While he was gone I felt so helpless, and when he came back I really knew this wasn’t right.
The whole night before while he was with me we nursed and I’d try the binky and he didn’t even wanna try it, he was so calm and contented, but when he came back he was sucking in the binky so hard and so fast his hands were clenched together and he was so tense, the nurse said something about”he did good and liked the sugar water a lot” i don’t remember her words exactly I was just focused on him I picked him up and just tried to nurse him and he did for a bit then he was out for so long and he was so hard to wake up to try to get him to eat, he was like that for a few days and the healing process was so terrible, it just looked so sore and uncomfortable. Even with a lot of Vaseline it would still stick to his diaper and I would have to push the [[skin ]] back so it didn’t heal wrong he hated his diaper changed. It was when he was about 3months old when I came across something about bloodstained men and I looked more into it andthat night and it confirmed my fear that my gut was right.
I wanted it to be wrong so bad I wanted to believe I did what was best but the evidence was right there it was even in the most recent what to expect when you’re expecting books. So I sat and held my baby and just cried. I am his mother and I’m supposed to protect him why didn’t I just listen to my gut, why didn’t anyone tell me I didn’t need to, I had all these feelings and so much guilt that will never go away but I vowed I would never do it again and I would do everything I can to help educate other moms because I wish someone would have sent me a message, I would have probably been so relieved knowing i didn’t have to do it.