Changes

I was born in the 70s, my older brother had already been [[circumcised ]] due to an alleged [[phimosis]], and I remember that, from the day I could think, it was said that I had a narrowing of the preputial orifice and when I was about to start to go to school, that it would "have to be done". My parents really believed that, in good faith of doing the best for me. After all, back then in the examination protocols for children as young as two years old [[phimosis]] was diagnosed. At an age, where this condition is anatomically totally normal.

A surgeon who was acquainted with my parents was supposed to perform the operation. One time, when I was around 4 years of age, he and his wife came over for dinner, and later on, before bedtime, "Uncle X would examine me". I remember vividly that I was very nervous during dinner, because I didn't want that. Later, everyone - — my parents, "Uncle X", his wife and my brother, who had already been circumcised by him - — came to my bedroom. I was already lying in bed and I struggled and resisted, my legs were held, my pyjama pants were pulled down, and I cried and still I remember precisely the pain, when my tight [[foreskin]] was forcefully pulled back - — or rather tried to, because only a small opening could be seen - — and my brother laughed at it, and all the other spectators said it wasn't so bad and over soon. The verdict was announced right away: when I got to school, it would "be done".

When my [[penis]] was still [[intact]], which was up to almost 7 years of age, I myself never felt any need to pull back my tight [[foreskin]]. This was always just of special interest for the doctors. I never had any infections. Only the ballooning during urination was a bit unpleasant, which was also seen as an urgent indicator for an urgent [[Circumcision|foreskin amputation]]. What a ridiculous assessment! Today, being almost 40 years old, I stretch my way to a new [[foreskin]] with customary devices, and I gain almost half a centimetre a month. For an unhindered flow of [[urine]], it would have taken just few more millimetres of preputial opening. How easily could I have been helped with the most simple methods of careful [[stretching]], without sacrificing my otherwise unscarred and uninfected [[foreskin]].

Even though my parents openmindedly discussed my [[phimosis]] with me (sometimes with others as well, which I always perceived as very embarrassing), they never really explained to me how a [[foreskin]] was supposed to function. My dad, who was still [[intact ]] by that time, never showed me the [[foreskin]] on his [[penis]] and how my [[penis]] would look after the [[circumcision]]. I only remember my mother once mentioning that a single cut could be placed in the [[foreskin]], but that it would then "hang like rag", so cutting it off would be better, and that a lot of other boys had that, too. A therapy with creams was never tried on me, and people who claimed a [[phimosis]] could be treated with [[stretching]] were ridiculed. The doctor who was acquainted with my parents, who eventually performed the operation when I was six years old and who had "examined" me several times before (meaning he tried to forcefully retract my [[foreskin]]) also wasn't man enough to demonstrate to me how a [[foreskin]] was to be retracted and, most importantly, what my [[penis]] would look like after the operation. I very vividly remember the moment when I first saw my [[penis]] afterwards, deeply [[shock]]ed about the blood-red naked glans, but the doctor quickly said it had all gone perfectly and that I wouldn't need to be worried.

In my 20's, that began to change. I got more and more aware of my differentness, I felt robbed of my intact [[penis]] and of the experience of how it would feel with a retractable [[foreskin]]. I grew an interest in observing other, [[intact ]] men. The thought of a flaccid, uncut [[penis]] with ample [[foreskin]] and especially its movement started to cause strong sexual arousal. To see and to feel what I myself didn't have, wasn't allowed to experience and still wanted so desperately.

I began to increasingly envy [[intact ]] men for their unadulterated relation to their [[penis]], combined with a feeling of inferiority. This does also increasingly inhibit me towards women, even though I know that women usually have no objections towards [[circumcised ]] [[penis]]es.