Regret mom

Regret mom is a term used by women who have given birth to a boy and had him circumcised, but now regret having done it to him.

In some countries (esp. in the USA) and cultures (mainly among Jews and Muslims), expectant parents are sometimes urged by their own parents or relatives to have their son circumcised. Even doctors and religious leaders and communities encourage or press them to agree to the circumcision of the son.

Starting position for fathers

Many (expectant) fathers in these countries and cultures are genitally mutilated themselves and may not have reflected what has been done to them. So they often easily agree, using trivializing arguments. We will collect stories of Regret dads, too. In general, it can be assumed that most men in the US who see themselves as intactivists were themselves circumcised and not only regret this, but no longer harm their sons.

Starting position for mothers

But because in most of these countries and cultures FGM isn't routinely done to girls, most (expectant) mothers do not have their own physical reason and repressive mechanism to play down genital mutilation. Instead, many of these women feel too weak to argue against their men or they simply believe that "it has to be done because everyone does it". This is a very dangerous attitude, because it not only downplays the "procedure", but it also denies the right of suffering victims to suffer, because of the lack of ability to empathize even physically or mentally, what happens to a boy in the "circumcision".

When mothers finally listen to their heart, do adequate research or simply (re-)find their innate compassion and empathy with the child, many of them "wake up from a coma of denial" and find themselves in a temporarily bad mood. They finally recognize that they have severely harmed their child, and they start regretting it. From the moment they speak openly, express their regret and possibly ask their (older) child for forgiveness, they become regret moms.

Stories of regret moms

Various regret moms in relevant Facebook groups have been invited to reveal themselves here and to talk about the circumstances of both the circumcision and realization that this was a mistake. Some of them will even tell about the hospitals, doctors, mohels, relatives and others who urged them to have their boy circumcised.

• Heather Hironimus
• Lara Johnson Stang
• Andrea Music
• Rosemary Romberg
• Rebecca Sanders

(... to be continued ...)

Anonymous stories, quoted on the web

“

I had no idea that babies are strapped down. I was never taught that circumcision isn't necessary. I thought it was something that was done for boys. I was a very young mother and not educated in parenting on certain subjects (like this one) until I had my 2nd boy a yr ago. And his was done at the office and that's when I learned and saw with my own eyes what is done to a baby for circumcision. I threw up. I cried and the nurse walked me into the waiting room and I said I change my mind I don't want it done she said it was too late. I regret getting it done for both my boys. I tell my friends now when they are pregnant if they have a boy Don't get it done. And I tell them exactly what they do. In the hospital for New moms to boys they should explain the procedure. I regret it every day. Circumcision doesn't need to be done. I hugged and kissed him and cried. He was in so much pain. – Jenna (Facebook)