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wikify puberty
Immediately following the [[circumcision]], I was extremely inhibited. I was ashamed, felt like a misfit. I refused to shower with the others after PE classes, because I felt like a monster with a [[penis]] that didn't look like a [[penis]]. On top of that, there were the awful, bulging [[Circumcision scar| scars]] and for a long time, the unpleasant feeling when my [[penis]] rubbed against my underwear. It only faded gradually, and I calmed down.
When I reached [[puberty ]] and began to be interested in sexuality, I naturally read the sexual education pages in the "Bravo". I still vividly remember how they often wrote about how pretty and hygienic a [[circumcised]] [[penis]] would be and how long -lasting [[Circumcised#Circumcised_males| circumcised men]] were during sex. I believed all of it and claimed it myself for years. I was proud of my [[circumcised]] [[penis]] and how long I could last.
In my [[circumcision]], the entire [[foreskin]], and therefore all of the sensitive tissue on its inside, was amputated. Since the [[glans]] was now exposed as a result, the constant excitation from underwear and the strong friction from masturbating with my hand caused it to become more and more callused and therefore less sensitive. Callused does of course not mean my glans looks like other people's heels. But the surface of my glans is dry, much thicker and often fissured. It is nowhere near what it is on a normal [[penis]]: tender, moist, sensitive. My sexuality was always mingled with disappointment. Disappointment that the feelings I had were never so intense. Disappointment that fulfillment often failed to appear. Disappointment about the feeling to give, but not to receive much. Intercourse often ended in my partners' pleas to come to an end, since they where starting to feel pain, while I was often just starting to build up intense feelings at that point.
Due to ignorance, for a long time I blamed it on the individual women. I thought they were frigid or assumed they "just don't know how to do it". Only recently I realised how very wrong I had been. When the urge to experience a sexual "kick" culminated in several adulteries, my marriage was almost ruined as well. Meanwhile, we managed to save our marriage, and I am endlessly grateful to my wife for that. My [[circumcision]] has deprived me of a huge part of my sexuality for everforever. It not only burdens me a lot, but also my wife, who suffers a great deal from being unable to give me what I desire.
My pathway from being a proponent of [[circumcision]] to an opponent was long.
No one told me beforehand that my [[penis]] would be altered in appearance for ever and could never again be experienced in the intended way.
In the following years I didn't really suffer from being circumcised, and due to the doctors' relentless screenings there where several other boys in my class sharing my fate. [[Puberty ]] didn't change that as well, and I had generally good sex with my girlfriends.
In my 20's, that began to change. I got more and more aware of my differentness, I felt robbed of my [[intact ]] [[penis]] and of the experience of how it would feel with a retractable [[foreskin]]. I grew an interest in observing other, [[intact]] men. The thought of a flaccid, uncut [[penis]] with ample [[foreskin]] and especially its movement started to cause strong sexual arousal. To see and to feel what I myself didn't have, wasn't allowed to experience and still wanted so desperately.
I began to increasingly envy [[intact]] men for their unadulterated relation to their [[penis]], combined with a feeling of inferiority. This does also increasingly inhibit me towards women, even though I know that women usually have no objections towards [[circumcised]] [[penis]]es.